A couple of weeks ago I had a really bad
episode during the night and couldn’t get to sleep until gone five am due to
the pain being so unbelievably bad. Usually I can deal with the pain I am in,
I’ve got used to coping with it. However, that Thursday night I was crying
pretty much constantly for over five hours. Mum was there to comfort me until
the wee hours of the morning. I don’t know about you, but I always want my Mum
when I’m poorly so I was glad she was there, offering leg rubs and a hot water
bottle.
After phoning NHS direct and then speaking
to the out of hours doctor, it was concluded there was nothing anyone could do.
The strongest medication that the doctor carried, I have got used to, so no
longer lowers my pain. The next step up from that medication is Morphine. He
isn’t able to carry that. The doctor then told me that if I went to A&E
they probably wouldn’t give me Morphine, as they don’t know me or know much
about ME. I felt abandoned and given up on. It was fine for the doctor to say
“just try and ride it out, try and go to sleep,” he didn’t have to endure the
pain I was in.
I eventually fell asleep and woke up the
next morning in considerably less pain. I have had to wait until today to get
an appointment with my GP, he’s semi-retired, been on holiday etc etc! Anyway,
today he gave me a small number of low dosage Morphine tablets. I am excited
but a bit scared, (all the side effects). Anyone who has been in any kind of
pain before will know how tempting a painkiller is! After being in pain for
over two years constantly, imagine how tempted I am to take a Morphine tablet!
I feel like a child resisting a sweet. Those tablets are downstairs and would
(hopefully) take all of my pain away. Usually it’s the chocolate in the cupboards
that call me, now it’s Morphine!! I know I must only use it for really bad
episodes but when I don’t have pain relief day to day, they would bring me a
very welcome break from the pain!
Take care,
Rachel x
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