Monday, 3 February 2014

The Dreaded Payback


After over two years I still haven’t got the hang of pacing myself. The doctors love to tell you to pace yourself and not do too much on your good days. However, I go against this suggestion time and time again and end up paying for it and being quite poorly and often am not able to get out of bed. I never know when my next ‘good day’ is going to be so I make the most of the energy I have there and then. The time following the energy-sapping event is not fun. But I am aware of this beforehand so I only have myself to blame (and this stupid illness!)

Yesterday I went to Middle Farm and then for lunch with some of my friends! We all had such a great day, laughing until we cried, being chased by chickens and hiding in bales of hay. It was lovely for us all to go on a day out together! I do not resent my day out in the slightest as I had lots of fun and enjoyed myself, but days out mean payback. This is a small price I have to pay if I want to have fun with my friends and I’m willing to pay it!

Today I am experiencing payback. I am exhausted. I know I’m always exhausted but I’m really really exhausted. I didn’t have an oxygen therapy session today, which was a blessing in disguise as I’m not well enough to leave the house. I managed to get from my bed to the sofa for a couple of hours and now I’m back in my bed. My beloved bed!

If I know I am going to do an activity on a certain day, I have got in the habit of reserving the next day as a bed day as I know I will be in even more pain, will be even more exhausted and even more fuzzy headed than usual. Having this system is no doubt bad for me. I should be reserving the energy that I have. However, if I didn’t go for a coffee at Starbucks with my friend or pop round and see my Grandad, I would feel even more deprived of life than I already do.

One day, hopefully I will get the hang of not overdoing things too much, but pacing doesn’t work in real life. Situations are constantly changing so you can never pace yourself completely but I would love to not have to reserve the following day as a bed day. Although, how do I know that day wouldn’t have been a bed day even if I didn’t enjoy myself at the farm? 

Take Care,

Rachel x



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