New Year, New You?

I am all for self-improvement, god dammit that’s part of the reason why I’m ill! I was so consumed in trying to improve myself; I forgot to actually take care of myself, leading to this horrid illness. Anyway, like I say, I love it when people want to improve their lives but please just stick to it!! Set a goal and try your very best to achieve it!

64% of New Year resolutions will make it passed the first month; only 8% will be successful.

I'd love to be making one of these resolutions like, I will start to exercise 3 times a week. Actually, I would like to be making a resolution such as, I will start to exercise everyday, but both of those are unrealistic for me. I get insanely jealous when I see people running along Brighton beach, practicing at my old gymnastics club, or even talking about going to the gym. Exercise was my life before I became ill. Although I am jealous about not being able to do these thing myself, I get even more annoyed when people say “I’ll start running next week.” Get up and do it for you and do it for me too please because I would love nothing more than to be able to go for a run along the seafront again.

As for the new year, if my friend hadn’t have text me to tell me it was new years eve I wouldn’t have even known. I never know what day it is, what the date is, what month we are and most of the time I don’t know what year it is either. I usually write 2012 if I’m writing the date down. I don’t really have anything to distinguish between days because often my mum has been to work and is back home by the time I wake up. Dad has crazy work patterns so I can't use him as a guide, so most of the time I use medical appointments to figure out what day it is, but really why do I care anyway? My pain and exhaustion levels don’t change depending on the name of the day or the year that we are in!

At present, a new year doesn’t mean much to me apart from reminding me that other people are setting goals, improving themselves and moving forward with their lives and I feel very much like I am standing still.

I received several lovely messages wishing me well for the New Year and hoping this would be the year that I start to get better. These were very touching and its lovely to know that people care so much. I really hope this is the year that I start to improve and I wish everyone else happiness and health.

Take care,

Rachel x