tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80798112056906620682023-11-15T19:19:11.259+00:00Rachie B and M.EThis is my journey through M.E. I will get through this illness, I know it.
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-37237237210622438412016-03-21T13:41:00.001+00:002016-03-21T13:41:16.085+00:00The Importance of Understanding ME<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Do you understand M.E? Do you know what it's like to live with M.E? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Since becoming unwell with M.E, finding a fellow sufferer to talk to about my illness became very important to me. I wanted to be able to talk to someone that got it, that really really understood it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I joined twitter, instagram and facebook in order to connect with fellow sufferers. I knew no one in "real life" with M.E but being in a virtual world with hundreds of others who knew exactly what I was going through, brought me great comfort. I was no longer alone in this. Chronic illness can be so isolating, no matter how many people you have around you. I was speaking to people that felt the same as I did, that experienced some of the same symptoms, they knew what this horrible disease was like to live with day in, day out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As much as people can try, unless they have M.E, they will not understand my struggles and my battles. I can talk to them, but they might not know what to say because they aren't living it. I firmly believe you have to experience something to understand it. So when people come along, with the same illness as you, similar</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> age to you and are a really nice person, it's like a little miracle</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Recently a couple of my friends have been diagnosed/ going through the process of being diagnosed with M.E, and although I truly wish they weren't in the same boat as me, it's just so comforting to have people to talk to that are experiencing many of the same things as me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One of my friends and I have met up a couple of times now and I realise that I feel like I don't ever want to leave her house, because I am in the presence of someone that totally understands me and I find that very rare to come by. She totally gets it when I say I can do this thing, but not that. Or, walking up and down the stairs is getting too much for me. She loved her job before she became too poorly to work, just like I did. We have a great deal in common.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We have a conversation, we don't just talk at each other, like it can often feel like with non sufferers, we connect, and I'm so thankful for that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I also feel like my newly diagnosed friends have given me a bit of a purpose. I feel like I can help these too young ladies. I want to help them. I have made hundreds of mistakes with dealing with M.E and I hope that I can pass some of my knowledge onto them now and hopefully stop them making some of the mistakes that I made. I want something positive to come out of my illness and if I can help these two, even in the tiniest way, then I would have achieved that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Having a person who I can discuss similar issues with is the best medicine for me right now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Take care and go and connect with someone,</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Lots of love,</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Rachel xxx</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: helvetica neue, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">P.S My twitter is: @_Rachie_B and my Instagram is @_RachieB - Please feel free to follow me and chat to me!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-30380030892406335642016-01-06T22:26:00.000+00:002016-01-06T22:26:01.819+00:00M.E, my Grandad and I<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Grandad was like my king. In my eyes, he was the head of my family. I adored him completely. He was loving, caring, funny, kind and was such a character. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Grandad passed away three days before Christmas 2015. My heart is broken. He meant the world to me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over the past four years, things have changed in my life, becoming ill with M.E, meant I could spend more time with my Grandad (see earlier post). I will be forever grateful to M.E as it meant I couldn't work but I could spend time with Grandad which I wouldn't have been able to do if I was still healthy and working. However, there are other times when I wanted rid of M.E because I wasn't well enough that day/ week to see him. My health has got worse slowly over the four and a half years that I have been poorly, and I ended up being at the point of being able to see my grandad once a week/ once fortnight maybe. I know that I am lucky to be even able to get to see him that much, but it didn't settle well with my instincts. My heart and instinct was telling me to look after him. My poor body just couldn't do it and at that point I would get frustrated with M.E. Grateful one minute, frustrated the next. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like all of us M.E sufferers, we want perfection, we want things done well, we want to do our best and in this situation, all I wanted to do was to look after my dear Grandad myself. It wasn't viable as I have carers to look after myself, but in an ideal world I would have. I wanted to show him how much I loved him and to just take care of him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Auntie and Uncle and cousins really really looked after him in the last week of his life and I just know he would have loved it. Charlotte, one of my cousins, and I sang with Grandad one afternoon for a couple of hours. We had Adele - Someone Like You on loop, as he loved Adele and he still knew some of the words to that song. It was a magical afternoon that I never want to forget. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Grandad was so loved and so cared for. He was one of the best men that have walked this planet. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gone are the days we used to share, but in our hearts, you will always be there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rest easy Grandad, and you take care of Nanny now,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care guys,</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Love, </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel xxx</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-36585569133651533242015-06-23T22:35:00.000+01:002015-06-23T22:57:21.518+01:0010km For ME<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Sunday 28th June, my beautiful Mum and cousin Kerri are walking 10km through the South Downs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Back in May I attended a ME conference in Burgess Hill. Mum and Kerri came with me, and whilst there, they decided to sign up to walk 10km to raise money for the charity, reMEmber. I was quite astonished when they came up to me with their sponsor forms - they are doing this walk for me, because they love me. They both know how much research needs to go into ME to find out just about everything about this debilitating illness. The medical world, actually the whole world, know hardly anything about this horrible and sometimes life threatening illness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As you may know, I used to be the biggest fitness fanatic ever. Working as a gymnastics coach, six days a week with people aged between two and 18 became my life. I loved what I did. Coaching was not work, it was my passion and I loved every single day of it. I used to participate in adult classes too which trumped the coaching! I would rather have been participating than coaching (when you're so passionate about something, surely that rings true?!) but if I couldn't participate, I was there being the best coach I could be. Then, fitted in there somewhere, I would go to my local sports centre and use their gym (weights, cross-trainer, etc.), sometimes twice a day if I had the time. Gymnastics and fitness were my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a holiday to Spain in September 2011, my body was slowing down. I wasn't able to go to the gym twice a day anymore. I wasn't able to train for two and a half hours in adult classes and I was falling asleep EVERYWHERE. You name it, I fell asleep there, despite my usual 10 hours sleep! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On 17th October 2011 I completed my Level 2 Gymnastics Coaching qualification. My gymnasts had been fab in the practical exam, I had completed a logbook that took over a year to do, I had taken written exams and I HAD PASSED! I couldn't wait for the next day, to go into the gym as a qualified Level 2 coach and to book straight onto my Level 3 course. I didn't want to hang around. I wanted to be the best coach I could, I wanted to learn more, I wanted more responsibility, I wanted to be able to coach more difficult moves. I was hungry for more. However, it didn't turn out how I anticipated. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That following day, Monday 18th, I got to work and my Head Coach told me right away to go home. I was not well and she could see it. I, of course resisted and said I would be fine. Daph was not having any of it and resorted to ringing my Mum and asking her to come and pick me up from the gym as I didn't want to leave.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I left the gym that day and haven't been back to coach since. This makes me extremely emotional. I try not to think too much about gymnastics as I always end up upset about how my body as become and how I can't do what I used to do. I loved nothing more than flinging myself about (that's a technical term!) and doing my thing. Now you will catch me in bed or in my wheelchair. This breaks my heart. ME changes lives in many ways, some positive, some negative. ME has taught me valuable lessons along the way but it has taken gymnastics away from me and that, I hate. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HOWEVER, one day, you will see me back in the gym club. You will see me back training and coaching. I will get better and I WILL be there. I'll get back to my love one day, I know I will. To help me get back there quicker, you can help. Please please please donate anything at all, even if its 50p or a £1. Imagine if everyone that knows me gave just 50p or a £1, imagine how much I would raise. The money raised goes to reMEmber, which is a registered charity. Please, I need your help. I so desperately want to help fund the future research. We need to learn about ME, we need to know what we are dealing with and we need to help improve all of the sufferers lives. Your money can do that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I cannot put into words how thankful I am to my Mum and Kerri for doing this for me. I love you both so so much. THANK YOU.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And you, thank you for reading this. And if you do donate at all, then my thanks in advance go to you. It means the absolute world to me that people care about me and ME so much, that they would donate. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sending all my love to you, and sorry for the emotional middle, </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care,</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachie xxxx</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>HERE ARE THE LINKS: It all goes to the same charity, so it doesn't matter which page you donate on. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART xxx</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span><a href="https://www.justgiving.com/KarenBlunden/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=fundraisingpage&utm_content=KarenBlunden&utm_campaign=pfp-share" target="_blank">https://www.justgiving.com/KarenBlunden/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=fundraisingpage&utm_content=KarenBlunden&utm_campaign=pfp-share</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.justgiving.com/Kerri-Dobson/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=shares-from-eua&utm_content=Kerri-Dobson&utm_campaign=eua-share-facebook&fb_ref=Default" target="_blank">https://www.justgiving.com/Kerri-Dobson/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=shares-from-eua&utm_content=Kerri-Dobson&utm_campaign=eua-share-facebook&fb_ref=Default</a><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-39979997492609977992015-05-21T22:48:00.005+01:002015-05-21T23:12:50.083+01:00Time For An Update<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hey there friends, </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been a long time since I've posted, about five months, so here is a general update.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have finished my Sociology GCSE. I have completed a 30 week course (two hours a week) and taken three exams. This is a major deal for me and I am quite happy with myself when I think about it, especially considering I didn't return to a cake decorating course after the first lesson about four months prior! I think having Jack take the Sociology course too helped massively with my confidence, without him I don't think I would have been able to do it. However, now I am on the look out for my next course, potentially alone, with my new found confidence. I get the results in August for my GCSE, keep your fingers crossed for me please!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have also been doing online courses on www.futurelearn.com - these are short, FREE courses that don't lead to a qualification, but are fantastic I think! I have completed a "Forensic Psychology - Eyewitness Investigation" course and am currently on Week 5 of "Psychology and Mental Health" and on Week 2 of "What is a Mind?" These courses are just right for me at this time. I can do my work in bed on my laptop and I can cope with the workload. I have just submitted a short assignment, which when my brain fog disappeared for a while, I completed, much to my surprise. It's been a long time since I've done an assignment! I have another assignment for "What is a Mind?" which hopefully my brain will allow me to complete by Sunday. I am surprising myself at what I am managing to do, despite this crappy illness and all of it's symptoms. I am moving forward. A few months ago I definitely wouldn't have been able to write an assignment. These are massive achievements for me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am totally in love with my new car. It is a Motability car with a hoist that lifts my electric wheelchair in and out. It is AMAZING. No more back breaking work for my family or Jack lifting my 70kg chair, the hoist just comes along and picks it up, its fantastic. I am now able to go out on my own, in my car and then get my chair out, and do my own thing. I no longer have to depend on people to take me out, push me around, lift my chair or do anything. I have some independence back and it's truly brilliant. However, due to the nature of the illness, I haven't done anything on my own yet I don't think as I've been too exhausted, however I have been out with people and got my chair out by myself and not had to rely on anyone. It feels amazing. If you need a Motability car and currently don't have one, go get one! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Finally, I have started having counselling, I'm getting into photography and my beautiful Mother bought me a little camera to practise with and I've been in contact with old friends which feels great! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope to post next week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have a good weekend guys.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care,</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachie xxx</i></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-79576664362179270412014-12-03T21:58:00.001+00:002014-12-03T21:58:27.366+00:00Back To SchoolAs you may remember, at the begining of the year I enrolled in a cake decorating class. It did not go well to say the least. I didn't want to even go to the first session and Mother pushed me out the door and it wasn't quite as bad as I imagined but I knew I wanted to get out of the class ASAP and never return! My cake decorating abilities haven't developed since.<div>
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However, I decided to enrol in a couple more courses more recently, starting in September '14. I enrolled in Sociology GCSE, Face Massage and also, a one day course on Mindfulness Meditation. I'm pleased to say that Sociology is still going well, although I've been too poorly for the last two sessions and I'm off to Ireland tomorrow so that shall be another class I will miss! I really like everything about the course, it gives me something to do on a Thursday night, Jack and I do it together, there are nice students and I'm learning again. It's fun. I think it's built my confidence up and I was looking forward to starting my face massage course, however I got an email to tell me that they had to cancel it due to low numbers, which was really sad as I was very excited for it. Also, my one day course on Mindfulness Meditation wasn't accessible, therefore I couldn't attend as my electric wheelchair doesn't like climbing three flights of stairs!! </div>
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I am really liking learning again and having a routine! It's been a couple of years since I've studied anything so it's great to use my brain a bit, although brain fog gets in the way quite a lot!</div>
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I can only do what I can do, but I'm going to bloody well try my hardest! </div>
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<i>Take care my friends, </i></div>
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<i>Rachel xxx</i></div>
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Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-82212206059726002872014-11-12T23:24:00.001+00:002014-11-12T23:24:07.246+00:00ME and Dr Khot<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Up until today I felt like I had a good doctor that was very honest with me and caring. That feeling changed this afternoon completely and I'm quite annoyed with him.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jack took me to my appointment today. Two reasons were behind that. One was the fact that Jack is a very eloquent speaker and secondly, Jack sees me nearly everyday and sees how my condition effects me, both physically and mentally.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My doctor greeted me by saying rather accusingly, "Why are you in a wheelchair?" I was a bit taken aback by this. I use my electric or manual wheelchair nearly, if not every day now. He does know this fact. Straightaway I felt like I was being accused, scrutinised, disbelieved. Dr Khot wanted to know exactly what was causing me to be in the chair.. I gave him the same answer as I always do; the combination of the massive amounts of fatigue and pain I felt today, caused my legs to say "No can do!" and therefore it was definitely a chair day. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dr Khot then allowed Jack to speak. (He had told Jack he didn't want to hear from him at the beginning, he wanted me to explain first of all.) Jack asked why after 3 years and 3 months why I haven't got an official diagnosis of ME, when I so clearly have ME and consultants have told me this also. I know I have ME and don't particularly want an official diagnosis in order to get treatment.. Lets be honest, there isn't any treatment. But I would like one in order to make my DLA/ PIP/ ESA/ Atos stuff sooooo much easier. I am currently waiting for a decision back from the latest DLA form regarding my change of circumstances, ie, I've got worse, and I'm so worried that my doctor isn't going to support me in the form, because he just doesn't understand ME and doesn't listen to me when I tell him how bad I am and how much worse I feel I am getting. If my doctor doesn't support me then I will have to appeal and cross that bridge when/ if I come to it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I asked my doctor about the report that DLA have requested from him, and he honestly, walked out the room and kind of waved his arms in the air. DLA is a lifeline to me. He clearly does not understand that/ doesn't care. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During the consultation, Jack told the doctor about my very low moods, which my doctor totally ignored. I couldn't believe he didn't even stop to ask me about this. Low mood or depression may be a normal part of chronic illness, however it still needs to be addressed and talked about. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Overall, I am extremely dissatisfied and will be seeking a new doctor that actually shows some compassion and that actually wants to help me, not just palm me off. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rant over! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hope you are all having a happy Wednesday,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take Care,</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rach xxx</span></i><br />
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-33864344273640657592014-11-12T20:53:00.000+00:002014-11-12T20:53:18.617+00:00ME and My Birthday<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was my birthday back in September and I had such a brilliant day. It was my 24th birthday. I love birthdays, not necessarily my birthday, just anyone's so I can make a fuss of someone and find the perfect card and present. Since being poorly, finding the perfect card and present has become more difficult because I don't have the energy to shop really. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, my birthday was perfect. I went for afternoon tea at Metro Deco in Kemptown with my family and my boyfriend Jack, which was absolutely delicious. I love afternoon tea! Afterwards, we went onto the pier and played on the 2p machines in the arcade. I don't know why I love doing this so much, maybe it reminds me of my childhood but its a favourite thing to do, so naturally on my birthday I had to do it! We then walked along the beach, (I wheeled) and then came home. Ellie popped round to see me and soon after Jack and I went for dinner at Jamie Oliver's restaurant and had such a lovely, lovely meal. I got all dressed up in a French Connection maxi dress and wore my Christian Louboutins. I was going in my chair so knew I would be able to wear the shoes because I wouldn't actually have to walk in them!!! I felt amazing in this outfit! Jack and I finished off the night with a few cocktails in a bar. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was amazing! I had such a brilliant day!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy your day guys,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take Care,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachie xxx</i></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-56579204552334955482014-11-02T15:55:00.001+00:002014-11-02T15:55:29.996+00:00ME and My Trip To London<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago I went to visit a friend in London. I had visited her before but never had I gone up in my electric wheelchair, alone. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When arranging my trip, it sounded amazing. I couldn't wait to go and see Isobel and spend the night in her flat with her and have a catch up and a takeaway! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jack drove me to the station and came in to make sure I got on the train okay. Well, I missed the train. Wheelchair + train + ramp = Must be at the station at least 15 minutes before departure. I am the worst timekeeper ever and arrived at the platform as the train pulled away. I got on the next train, (I had paid to get on a certain train so they were lovely to let me get on the next one for free!) then the crying began. I cried non-stop from Brighton to London. Reality hit. I was alone. I had to get myself across London all by myself in my chair. Luckily I was in the disabled area on the train so no-one was about to hear my blubbering. I was going to get off at the first station I came to and turn around and come home. I was panicking BIG TIME. I wanted to get home to my comfort zone and safety. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, I didn't get off the train. I stayed on it and got to London Victoria. Mum had persuaded me to go and ask for help from the bus kiosk, and they couldn't have been nicer. A guy took me to the bus, put me on it, and asked the driver to tell me when I had to get off. My nightmare was over.. I was on the bus fine with no difficulty whatsoever. All that worrying for nothing!! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am so pleased I perserved and stayed on the train because I had a brilliant time with Isobel. We had a proper catch up and had a laugh and had fun. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have now overcome my fear of London Buses and will be confident to go up to London on my own in my chair. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I could only think of the worse possible things that could happen on that train and on my journey across London, and none of those things came true. My mind told me various things, trying to get me to go home but I showed ME who was boss and went and had fun! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't believe the stories that your mind tells you,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take Care,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel xxx</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-72219912507396338122014-10-30T21:58:00.001+00:002014-10-30T21:58:55.747+00:00Rachel's Fabulous ME Awareness Picnic<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I haven't posted in ages but I have a few new posts up my sleeve to follow this one. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Back in August I hosted a picnic in aid of The ME Association. I didn't manage to organise anything for ME awareness day/ week due to the nature of the condition, however, I finally got round to organising an event and I was really pleased with how it went. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The picnic didn't go quite as planned though.. The gazebo and 'A board' didn't get used as my brother kindly offered his flat to host the picnic, therefore there wasn't room for either of these things. The weather was not good that day, very cold, windy and rainy, so an indoor picnic was much warmer and drier!! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lots of people showed up. Many family and friends came to support both me and The M.E Association, which was absolutely brilliant. Altogether I raised £168.83. I was so so happy with this amount. Every bit of fundraising helps. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you to everyone that donated prizes, (Nails By Zoe, The Thistle, Leanne, Kerri-Marie, Ajay, Mumma. I apologise if you donated a prize and I have forgotten to mention you!) and to everyone that donated on the day AND online. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel xxx</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-48443818255654867252014-09-03T18:19:00.001+01:002014-09-03T18:19:18.681+01:00ME and London<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last week I decided that I would go up to see my friend that lives in London and stay with her. We arranged when would be best and I booked my train tickets and was looking forward to my night away. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Input - the pain management course I went on in London, gave me the taste of London, and I loved "living" there... I was back every weekend but nobody needs to know that! Anyway, I missed London and, of course my friend, hence my reason for the trip. I also thought that the travelling would challenge me mentally, as I'm still getting used to using my electric wheelchair on public transport. I was very anxious the first time using the train in my chair as I didn't know what the ramp was going to be like, would I fall out of my chair and onto the tracks? However, I have got more confident about travelling on the train now, since doing it a few times. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Monday, I was booked on the 15:19 train, and as usual, I was late. I watched the train pull out of the station, just as I reached the platform. I thought this would mean that I would have to buy another ticket but the guard was lovely and let me jump on the next one. After managing onto the train perfectly fine, no falling on to the tracks!!.. The realisation of travelling across London, on my own, in my chair, hit me. I cried from Brighton Station to London Victoria nonstop, sobbing quite frequently. Luckily, I was in the disabled area and no one else was around! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My boyfriend got a 40 minute phone call of me crying saying that I wanted to come home. My Mum got a 20 minute phone call of me crying saying that I wanted to come home. I just could not cope with the idea of getting on a London bus, or any bus for that matter, in my chair. I searched online how much a ticket back from Victoria would be.. I wanted to just get back home to my comfort zone. I didn't turn around and come home though, I asked for assistance and a lovely man helped me onto the bus, (moving me and the chair, weighing about 200kg between us) and told me when to get off and everything I needed to know. My anxiety went right down once I was on the bus and was really pleased with myself for carrying on and not letting my anxiety and ME get the better of me! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had a really lovely evening with Isobel, we had a delicious Japanese meal and a good old chat. It was fab seeing her. I am so pleased that I didn't bottle out and pushed through it. It was really tough but was worth it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rachel 1 - ME 0.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Test your boundaries if you can, you might have a lovely reward if you do! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take Care,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel xxx</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-40733323470432491312014-08-31T22:34:00.004+01:002014-08-31T22:34:52.507+01:00ME and the MS Abseil<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today, Freddie and Jack walked off, and down, a cliff for me and to raise money for the MS Treatment Centre that I go to. I have Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy there. The centre are amazing and help so many people with neurological conditions, using various therapies. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been having HBO since October last year, and I try to have at least one session a week. It is heavily subsidised which is why I thought it was so important to get the boys to do this fundraiser. I would have absolutely loved to have </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">done the abseil but I don't have the strength in my arms or legs. It was brilliant to watch to abseil but a bit heartbreaking too, the fact that I couldn't participate, and also, for the fact that Freddie and Jack were doing this for me, because I'm ill. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The car park was about 150 metres from the cliff top. After the abseil, the walk back to the car was agonising. It took me about 20/25 minutes. These are the times that it really hits me hard. I think it's due to my fitness background, that I can't bare it when my walking is this bad. I get embarrassed. I feel like everyone is pitying me. I get frustrated that my legs won't move how I want them to and at the speed I want them too. THIS is the reason Freddie and Jack took part today. Although it was absolutely awful, it illustrated quite well why they did it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Together, the boys raised £265. This money is so vital to the survival of the centre and to the survival of people that use the centre. That might sound dramatic but the therapies that the centre offers, can help prolong lives. Thank you to every single person who donated. It means the world to me and to the centre. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">THANK YOU!! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel xxx</i></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-47366773826517375422014-06-26T15:47:00.002+01:002014-06-26T15:47:42.294+01:00ME and Dr Raj
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I first met Dr Raj when I went for a
rheumatology appointment back at the beginning of the year. Dr Raj was
brilliant, he referred me for a bone scan, I had yet more blood tests
(basically everything he could think of he wanted testing), he examined me, he
referred me to a Fibromyalgia course that is run by professionals. My Mum and I
thought he was great. He was so thorough and kind. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My next experience with him was very
different. Dr Raj went through my bone scan results and told me everything was
fine and there was no inflammation in the joints, which was good news. He then
went through my blood test results and again everything was pretty much normal,
as expected. Dr Raj then went on to tell me that there was nothing serious that
was underlying, which I’d known all along. He told me that I should wean myself
off of all my medications and if I were to get a job and keep my mind active
then all my symptoms should disappear. As you can imagine I was very anger at
this comment. I was actually speechless. I couldn’t believe that this guy was
totally dismissing the fact that I can’t get out of bed in the morning/
afternoon/ all day sometimes. He was dismissing the fact that I am exhausted
all the time and need about 11/12 hours of sleep and all of my sleep is
un-refreshing. He was ignoring the fact that I have M.E. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I was a younger person, with a parent
that believed every word a Doctor said I could have been in trouble. Giving
this kind of advice to a person with M.E is dangerous. This could make a person
much much worse if they were to follow this advice. Luckily, I have parents
that believe me and believe that I am poorly and that keeping my mind active
isn’t going to make me recover miraculously. Does this silly doctor not think
that if it was that easy I wouldn’t be in bed, I would be back working, doing
what I love and earning a decent wage? Funny enough, at the age of 23 I would
rather be out and about enjoying my life, than in bed most of the time! </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">M.E and Fibromlyalgia are NOT made up. They
are real conditions that are serious. People can die from these illnesses and
this silly man is dishing out advice that is totally wrong. How can this man be
practicing if he knows nothing about conditions he is supposed to know about?
How is he allowed to give people advice that is dangerous? </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My god do I wish Dr Raj was right and that
my symptoms would disappear when I got a job, I would be back in my gymnastics
club quicker than you could say gymnastics, but sadly this man has got it very
very wrong. He does not know anything about either of my conditions and is
therefore totally unqualified to tell me what to do in regards to my health.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know my body and I know what I need. And
I certainly don’t need some silly doctor telling me what to do! </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take Care my friends and don’t believe
everything you are told,</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rachel xxx</span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-82902654471304599082014-06-16T22:42:00.004+01:002014-06-16T22:42:56.118+01:00ME and Buses
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don’t do buses. I never have. I hate
them, but sometimes there is no other option.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My hatred goes beyond the norms of the
smelly person, the wont shut up person, the fact that if the temperature is
above 10 degrees outside, you sweat your ass off as the sun beams through the
glass. I hate buses because I don’t know where to sit. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To the world I look like a healthy, young
woman, but I am not and this causes me problems. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I cant even think about climbing the stairs
on a bus, so the top deck is straight out of the question, I cant even think
about climbing the one or two stairs at the back of the bus, therefore I am
left with limited options.. The fold up, cant even call a seat seat. The
disabled seats, or the limited “normal” person seat that are always taken up. I
would always opt for the “normal” person seat (you know, the seat that are just
behind the disabled seats) but these are always taken when I get on! The fold
up non seat is a joke and I wouldn’t be able to walk if I sat on one for more
than 30 seconds, therefore, I am usually left with the disabled seats. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, I don’t have a problem with using
these seats, I think I am entitled to sit there. However, on a recent journey,
I was thinking about potential conversations that I might have with people
regarding me sitting there. I couldn’t think of a way I could answer someone,
politely, yet firmly about why I was sitting where I was. Nearing the end of my
trip, I came up with “I’m aware these seats are for disabled people, that’s why
I am sitting here.” I thought this was a good response and was then kind of
eager for someone to confront me and tell me to move. Of course they didn’t,
and I haven’t been asked yet. Although I do get funny looks on each bus trip I
make, whether I am imagining them or not I am not sure! People cant see my
illness and sometimes I don’t take my stick out with me, therefore people
probably just think I’m a selfish person for taking up a seat that I
“shouldn’t” be in. Little do they know that that bus trip I am making is
causing me so much pain and exhaustion. They don’t know that I’ve driven to the
bus stop. They don’t know that I’m in constant pain and sitting on those hard
seats in the same position is making my pain increase. They don’t know how
exhausting it is to do all of this and to cope with all of this. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another hard part of the bus trip is the
getting on and off. Is the driver going to drive off because I am a “healthy
young woman” and I’m going to have to bus surf and battle with that as well as
battling to walk. Will the driver give me enough time to walk from my seat to
the exit? (Sometimes they don’t, and they just go to the next stop – which can
be disastrous for me, and I’m already exhausted from the whole trip and my legs
don’t want to carry me any further.) This is when having my stick with me comes
in useful, because it is something visual for the driver to see to show that I
can’t walk well. He will then allow me time to get off, and if he’s feeling
nice, he might even lower the step from the bus to the pavement. Also, he will
let me get to my seat before tearing off. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Getting a bus seems so simple and easy for
so many people, but believe me, for some people out there, getting a bus is one
of the hardest things they have to do in a day. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take care and avoid those buses,</span></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rachel x</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-91009953905376630812014-06-11T21:15:00.001+01:002014-06-11T21:15:12.783+01:00M.E Awareness Week - Part 2<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Finally I have got round to writing part two, only about a month later than I hoped for. Thanks for bearing with me! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(I'm not a natural writer, it takes me time to think about what I'm going to say and it takes effort for me, hence why I'm not blogging as much as I would like to in an ideal world. Also, I have a serious condition to contend with, which also likes to stop me from writing. Often, when I am well enough to blog, I am also well enough to do something, like getting out of the house and I often seize that opportunity, leaving me totally exhausted when I get home and therefore unable to blog and think and concentrate.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My life has become about compromise. I can't do everything that I want to do, so I have to find ways to do things, within my boundaries. I also have to prioritise a lot, as my energy is very limited and it just won't stretch to what I desire to do. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I still find it totally bizarre that I have to rest so much. I ask myself and others a lot, "Why does my body need all of this rest?" Little exertion causes great exhaustion. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now that I have my disabled badge, I feel like I have got quite a bit of my life back and that really helps me mentally. The badge enables me to go anywhere I wish and to park right outside. Having the disabled badge has meant I can get out a little more and therefore helped my mental health. It has also helped my physical health because it means that I am walking much shorter distances if I do go out, meaning less steps and less energy spent. My life has now become about saving energy in any way possible. I can't waste any, it's very precious. For example, if I ever go food shopping, I will plan my route around the supermarket to not go up any isles that are unnecessary as this would be energy that is wasted. Things that I wouldn't have even thought about before my illnesses, now are part of my planning and part of keeping me as well as I can be. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For quite a while after I got poorly I was still going into gym and watching classes and trying to involve myself, even if it meant just watching people, however, I have got out of the habit of going, mainly because I was coming away from the gym feeling very sad and upset that I couldn't do the things I was seeing people do anymore. I'm not able to coach and support or demonstrate things and this was very horrible. I guess I kind of grieved gymnastics, by watching some classes and then not going at all. I still love gymnastics and can not wait to get back in the gym and learn skills again and to coach again, however, at the moment I am happier staying away from the gym. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My days now consist of about 12 hours of sleep rather than 12 hours of gymnastics/ working out and this still makes me sad. I now also love television which I never particularly cared about in the past. To say my life has turned completely around wouldn't be an exaggeration. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just know that this illness is here to teach me something and I have to ride it out. I will become a better person from this experience and the lessons it teaches me will change my life for the better. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that helps me get through it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sorry for the slightly jumbled post, but I hope you learn a tiny bit more about my condition from it,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take Care,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel xxx</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-69250037404820255632014-05-14T21:38:00.000+01:002014-05-14T21:38:39.802+01:00ME Awareness Week - Part 1<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did you know it was ME Awareness Week? I bet you didn't! Would you be able to tell me what colour the ME ribbon is? Before I had ME I didn't even really know what ME was, let alone what colour the ribbon is or what day/ week ME Awareness Day/ Week is. This is the reason why this week is so important.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ME is a very serious condition that changes lives. ME couldn't really have changed my life more if it tried. I used to be out from about midday to midnight, five days a week, at my gymnastics club or in the gym working out. Sometimes, I would let myself off on a Saturday and rest and then back to a hard three hour session in the gym on Sunday night. I was addicted, and I LOVED it. I was so incredibly happy with my lifestyle. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In September 2011 I went on holiday with Chelsea and we had a chilled week, soaking up the sun and drinking a couple of cocktails in the evening. Half way through the week I noticed I was getting a cold and a cough. It didn't bother me at the time, I just enjoyed my holiday and thought it would go in a week or so, like most colds do. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I returned home, the cold didn't go and neither did the cough. I was getting more and more tired but told myself I was just being lazy. My three hour gym sessions were soon becoming 20 minute sessions. I was only managing three vaults in a session, rather than the two hours of hard work that I usually did. I was falling asleep in any place I could; a dining room chair, a bus, in the middle of a crowded room. I beat myself up for being "lazy". </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had a gymnastics coaching exam in mid-October. I had worked so hard. I had completed a logbook, two theory exams and then a practical exam. The months of work paid off and I passed. I was so happy to be moving up a level in the coaching world. My plan was to go home from the exam and book straight onto the next course for the next level. Something told me to hold off and not book it right away. This was very lucky as the day after my exam I went to the doctors and got signed off of work. I haven't returned to work since. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At first my doctor gave me antibiotics to get rid of my cough. He ignored the fact that I was now sleeping at every available opportunity and not doing my usual fitness regime. The next day, I demanded a blood test but all results were normal. Four days after, the antibiotics hadn't kicked in so my doctor prescribed me different antibiotics. That night I ended up in A&E because I was having such severe spasms in my legs I couldn't stop crying. The doctors in A&E didn't know what to do with me as my bloods were normal, my blood pressure was normal, chest x-rays were normal. One doctor just passed me to the next, then to the next, until one doctor said I may have ME. Although I didn't know much about ME, I knew I didn't want it. I knew it didn't fit into my lifestyle. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After every single blood test you can think off, multiple MRIs, Neurology, Rheumatology and Infectious Diseases appointments and anything else you can think of (and that I may have forgotten about) I got told it is ME, fibromyalgia and slight hyper-mobility that I am suffering with. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Two and a half years later, I still haven't accepted that I am ill, but I would like to think I am on the way to acceptance. ME has changed my life completely. It's a lot to get used to. Walking with a stick, sometimes using a wheelchair and not being able to do what I used to at the age of 23 is hard. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am going to divide this up into two blogs as I am too tired to continue! My next blog will be about my life now and how I try and cope with the illnesses. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take Care and check back soon for part 2!</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel x</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-1179210645073938702014-04-24T10:41:00.003+01:002014-04-24T10:41:36.807+01:00Motivation, Determination, Willpower
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As you already
know, fitness used to be my life, therefore those three words; motivation,
determination and willpower, all related to the gym, gymnastics or healthy and
nutritious food. Now, because of M.E, those three words all relate to something
entirely different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right: -3.2pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In my previous
life, before I became ill, I feel like I was very motivated and determined.
However, this was purely to do with fitness and gymnastics. (My life didn’t
consist of much else if I’m honest.) You probably know that I was so motivated
that I went to the gym at least once a day. I was so determined to lose weight
and get as fit as possible, I wouldn’t leave the gym until I had burnt a
certain number of calories. I had a lot of willpower and would only eat food
that was good for me or to help me lose weight. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right: -3.2pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right: -3.2pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Up until
recently, if I met people that didn’t know me in my “previous life” I used to
feel like they couldn’t see my motivation, determination and willpower.
However, I have come to realize that is rubbish and I’ve never been so
motivated and determined in my life. It’s just that those words are now to do
with me staying alive, rather than being obsessed with fitness!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I now have to
motivate myself to keep going and to keep fighting this stupid illness. I have
to keep myself from going insane or getting depressed. I am incredibly
determined to get better and return to gymnastics. Everyday is a battle. So far
I am winning that battle, because I am still here. All day, everyday is hard
work. Working as a gymnastics coach and being a fitness freak was nothing
compared to what I have to do now. I work harder having a shower these days
than I did all day coaching and working out in my “previous life”! Different
people have different battles to fight. I am so grateful to now realize that
everything wasn’t about fitness. I just wish I didn’t have to learn it this
way!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However cliché
this sounds, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take care
and look after yourself,<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rachel x</span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-83938929413687194842014-04-18T21:22:00.000+01:002014-04-18T21:22:02.117+01:00Isolation <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have you ever felt left out? It's a truly horrible feeling isn't it. The sad thing with M.E is that that feeling of being left out is pretty constant. I am no longer a normal 23 year old, doing normal 23 year old stuff. I am ill, I am not "normal," therefore I can't participate in all the things my friends do. This is by no means their fault that I feel left out, it is M.E's fault. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I try to stay as included as possible with all of my friends and everyone is good at adapting to me but certain activities such as getting drunk as a skunk and dancing the night away are no longer viable. This really, really upsets me. I don't care much for the alcohol, I just want the dancing and the memory making. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last night, after enjoying a gorgeous dinner out, I had to go home to bed and be looked after because I couldn't move. I mean this literally. I felt like I was paralysed. My body would not allow me to move my arm to pick up my phone even. I was not tired, I was absolutely, truly exhausted. It was gutting to read, out of the corner of my eye because the phone had been strategically placed, that the girls were getting ready to go out and were discussing it on our group message, whilst I was being fed by someone because I couldn't do it myself. However, if the girls had a group message on Whatsapp without me I would feel even more left out and isolated.<br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I cried a couple of times last night, one time was out of pure frustration of not being able to party with my friends and the second was out of pain and because I was scared because I couldn't move. I was worried that I would not be able to move ever again, however dramatic that sounds! Having an illness can be a very very scary and isolating place, but it is always so nice to know that someone understands what you are going through and to be with you during the darkest, hardest times. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This post just shows how little I have accepted the fact I am ill. It has no reflection on my friends whatsoever!! I want my girls to have fun, I want to know how their night was and who vomited first! Just sometimes it's hard for me to accept that I'm not well enough to take part in crazy nights like that anymore. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wonder how long it will take for me to accept my illness? I hope it's soon!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take care,</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rachel x</span></i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-4959247553631169862014-03-22T19:44:00.000+00:002014-03-22T19:44:37.784+00:00Life Isn't Fair<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hate M.E. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whilst I'm laying in bed, eyes stinging from exhaustion and needing sleep, legs and back in nearly unbearable pain, trying not to have to take a morphine tablet, my girls are getting ready for the night ahead to celebrate Lauren's birthday. Birthdays remind me more than any other time of year that I'm not well. I wanna be enjoying myself with my best friends, celebrating and getting dressed up and having a drink. Today, I can't even go to Lauren's for an hour before the girls hit the town. </span></div>
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<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am feeling so left out and annoyed at M.E for not letting me socialise with my friends and have fun. Lately, I am trying hard to surrender, and not do things that are going to make me feel even worse than normal, but with that comes loneliness, frustration and sadness. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm feeling very hard done by and want to say "it's not fair!" I know life isn't fair (although I definitely don't want someone else to tell me that!!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope my girls have a brilliant night! I'm going to try to sleep now so I can escape the pain, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care, </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel x </i></span></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-54653841603403894452014-03-16T15:22:00.003+00:002014-03-16T15:22:33.634+00:00Famous, Rich and Hungry for Sports Relief
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have just watched the first episode of
Famous, Rich and Hungry for Sports Relief and my overwhelming emotion is guilt
and sadness. It is truly upsetting to know that people in England cannot afford
to feed themselves and their families. I wake up everyday knowing that I am
going to be able to eat well for that day, in fact, this doesn’t even cross my
mind, it is standard in my house, we have food in the cupboards and fridge and
the only thing stopping me eating it is the fact I can’t prepare food myself
due to the pain I am in. Most days I wake up and wonder what treats I’m going
to have. I think about all the chocolate that I could buy, can I be bothered to
go to the shop and get Giant Buttons or shall I just stick with the Cadbury’s
Pots of Joy in the fridge? The people on the programme can’t afford staple
meals, let alone treats. These people choose between feeding their kids or
themselves. They might have only one meal a day. I am so incredibly lucky to
have never had to worry about being fed. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I got poorly back in 2011, I went from
being on a very healthy wage, to £50 a week. This jump was very noticeable. I
went from being able to afford nights out, lunches, dinners, dresses, and trips
to Canada, pretty much whatever I wanted. I then found myself living on £50 a
week and found it very difficult and ended up borrowing a lot of money from my
parents. I was still trying to live a lifestyle of lunches and dinners out,
with new dresses to wear all the time. I thought I had it hard living on that
amount per week. I had NO idea. I didn’t have it hard. I didn’t have a house to
heat, I didn’t have to pay rent or a mortgage, and I didn’t have to pay for
food shopping. One of the guys on the show spent £48 on this electricity for a
week, meaning he had £2.50 for everything else that week. He has it hard. What
would you do if you had £2.50 for the week? What food would you buy? How would
you get by?</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last week I felt unhappy so I went to
Brighton to do some shopping and I ended up buying a watch for £155. I just
wish I had seen this program before I went shopping because I could have
donated that money to Sports Relief. I have nice watches already, I didn’t need
a new one, however people do need to eat and that money could have helped feed
some people. My watch isn’t refundable, otherwise I would be in the shop right
now returning it so I could give that money to a cause that so desperately
needs donations. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I moan about my illness and the fact that I
can’t participate in things that I love to do anymore, but I must remember how
lucky I am to have a roof over my head with heating that I can put on whenever
I want, I have hot water and I have food. I am not hungry like others are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The four families shown on the program are
not alone. This is a big problem in England. I don’t know about you, but when I
think of poverty and starvation I think of Africa, I think of third world
countries. How naïve I am. This problem is happening right here, in our
country, right in front of us. This isn’t happening thousands of miles away,
it’s happening on our doorstep. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To donate £5, with the whole £5 going to
Sports Relief, text FOOD to 70005.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/sportsrelief">www.bbc.co.uk/sportsrelief</a>
</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A couple more websites about food banks: </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.trusselltrust.org/foodbank-projects">http://www.trusselltrust.org/foodbank-projects</a>
</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://www.faresharebrightonandhove.org.uk/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.faresharebrightonandhove.org.uk/</span></a></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On this website, if you donate £5 it will
provide 30 meals!!</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take care,<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rachel x</span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-20677428150808075092014-02-24T21:26:00.001+00:002014-02-24T21:26:23.893+00:00With ME Comes Frustration <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Up until about half an hour ago, today was a good day. This afternoon I have been in the oxygen tank for about 75 minutes. I think it is starting to help increase my energy levels for a couple hours after my session, which is brilliant!! I have met a lady that also uses the oxygen tank that has ME and today we had a good chat and bounced positivity off of each other. I came away from my session feeling really positive and determined and also with a slight increased energy level than usual. At that moment I felt like I was battling ME head on with a strong mind. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, just a few hours later, I am full of frustration (and pain). I was invited by a friend to take part in a pub quiz with some friends and wanted to go along and join in. I was picked up and taken there and was enjoying myself but was suddenly overcome with tiredness and pain. I had to ask my Mum to come and collect me as I wasn't well enough to stay and therefore could not take part in the quiz. I am so frustrated that I cannot do the things that I want to do. I could not sit down in a chair and answer a couple of questions. I needed my bed and to be in a comfortable position and I will be asleep very shortly, I am sure. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have had a busy day compared to usual but I still find it very hard to accept that I cannot do all of the things that I want to do. I have to pick and choose the activities that I take part in, however I find this very unfair and frustrating. I want to be "normal" and be able to do what I want, whenever I want. I often think that I have accepted my illness, and I think I have to a certain degree but clearly I have not fully accepted it otherwise I would not be writing this post! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the mean time I am going to try to work more on my acceptance, </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care and try to accept something in your life that you cannot change, </i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel x </i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-48687192096077512902014-02-23T20:29:00.002+00:002014-02-23T20:42:18.095+00:00My Dear Grandad<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've always loved my Grandad obviously but up until recently we never really had a good bond. I saw him at family birthdays and get togethers (which works out about 1.5 a month!) and we have always got along but I'd never had a special relationship with him. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I was younger I used to see my Nanny and Grandad pretty much everyday. My Nanny was my world. I absolutely adored her. As far as I was concerned she was the best thing since sliced bread and although she's sadly passed away now, I still think the same. Therefore, when spending time with my Grandparents, I was stuck to my Nan's side and didn't really spend any time with my Grandad, only to repeat phrases such as "sod it" and "crumbs", two classic Grandad sayings. My Nan couldn't help but laugh whilst telling off Grandad for saying "sod" in front of me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You probably know that I truly believe that "everything happens for a reason." I have not worked out the reason for me having ME/CFS yet, but maybe it is to allow me to spend increased time with my Grandad and develop our relationship. As I am not working I am now able to spend a few hours with my Grandad a week, and this has very much become something I look forward to. I often go round to his house after I have had a HBO session and have a little bit more energy than usual. I love him but he can be hard work! Usually we just chat and have a cup of tea but sometimes he can be very grumpy (but can't we all when we are tired and hurting?!) and demanding.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I was still healthy and working I know that we wouldn't have this great bond we now have, due to the amount of hours I was spending in the gymnasium and fitness gym. Therefore, I am actually thankful to ME/CFS for giving me this opportunity to spend precious time with him. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't think I would ever be thankful to ME/CFS but in this situation I certainly am.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can now say I adore my Grandad as well as my Nanny. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel x</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-75484150129271415362014-02-16T16:00:00.003+00:002014-02-16T16:00:27.001+00:00Live In The Moment<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last night my Nan had a party to celebrate her 77th birthday so I was out for a few hours with my family, having a drink and eating lots of food and cake! It was lovely to have a get together and see the family I don't regularly see!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A large part of my life at the moment, is television. I record a lot of programmes, and this gives me something to do when I just can't handle watching This Morning or Loose Women anymore! Therefore, last night I had a few things set to record and I caught up with them this afternoon! One of these programmes was The Jonathan Ross Show. If you watched the show last night you will know that Abbey Clancy, James Cordon, Uma Thurman and Andrew Marr were on the show. I often fast forward when a person comes on that I'm not interested in and was ready to fast forward when Andrew Marr came on. I then saw his walking stick and was suddenly interested in what he was going to say. That sounds a bit sick, but last I knew he was a healthy man so was intrigued to know why he now walked with a stick! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If, like me, you don't know what happen to him, he had a stroke. He believes it was the result of pushing himself so hard on the rowing machine to achieve a target he had set himself. He felt good for achieving the goal but knew something wasn't right. He had a "blinding" headache and was seeing flashes of light that evening. He woke up the next morning and couldn't move. He'd had a stroke. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, on the show Andrew Marr spoke about how he has re connected with a hobby he had when he was a young child, drawing. He carries a notepad around everywhere with him and draws what he sees and things that inspire him and spark emotion in him, instead of writing these things down. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He also talks about trying to live in the moment as much as he can. I think both you and I can take something from this. You never know what's going to happen, what's around the corner. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I feel that Andrew Marr's and my story are similar in ways.. Both of our illnesses are most probably connected to exercise, although neither can be certain. Both him and I can not, for the time being, do something we love - exercise! Both him and I have had to find things that we can do whilst being poorly, his is drawing and mine is reading. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, I definitely need to take his advice and try to live in the moment! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He inspired me and spoke some wise words.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take care and try and live in the moment as much as possible,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel x</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-29254066350107407462014-02-03T16:58:00.004+00:002014-02-03T16:58:51.734+00:00The Dreaded Payback
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After over two years I still haven’t got
the hang of pacing myself. The doctors love to tell you to pace yourself and
not do too much on your good days. However, I go against this suggestion time
and time again and end up paying for it and being quite poorly and often am not
able to get out of bed. I never know when my next ‘good day’ is going to be so
I make the most of the energy I have there and then. The time following the
energy-sapping event is not fun. But I am aware of this beforehand so I only
have myself to blame (and this stupid illness!)</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday I went to Middle Farm and then
for lunch with some of my friends! We all had such a great day, laughing until
we cried, being chased by chickens and hiding in bales of hay. It was lovely
for us all to go on a day out together! I do not resent my day out in the
slightest as I had lots of fun and enjoyed myself, but days out mean payback.
This is a small price I have to pay if I want to have fun with my friends and
I’m willing to pay it! </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today I am experiencing payback. I am
exhausted. I know I’m always exhausted but I’m really really exhausted. I
didn’t have an oxygen therapy session today, which was a blessing in disguise
as I’m not well enough to leave the house. I managed to get from my bed to the
sofa for a couple of hours and now I’m back in my bed. My beloved bed! </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I know I am going to do an activity on a
certain day, I have got in the habit of reserving the next day as a bed day as
I know I will be in even more pain, will be even more exhausted and even more
fuzzy headed than usual. Having this system is no doubt bad for me. I should be
reserving the energy that I have. However, if I didn’t go for a coffee at
Starbucks with my friend or pop round and see my Grandad, I would feel even
more deprived of life than I already do. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One day, hopefully I will get the hang of
not overdoing things too much, but pacing doesn’t work in real life. Situations
are constantly changing so you can never pace yourself completely but I would
love to not have to reserve the following day as a bed day. Although, how do I
know that day wouldn’t have been a bed day even if I didn’t enjoy myself at the
farm?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Take Care,</i></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Rachel x</i></span></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-78627551152117015342014-01-24T22:21:00.003+00:002014-01-24T22:21:55.896+00:00Pain Pain Go Away
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A couple of weeks ago I had a really bad
episode during the night and couldn’t get to sleep until gone five am due to
the pain being so unbelievably bad. Usually I can deal with the pain I am in,
I’ve got used to coping with it. However, that Thursday night I was crying
pretty much constantly for over five hours. Mum was there to comfort me until
the wee hours of the morning. I don’t know about you, but I always want my Mum
when I’m poorly so I was glad she was there, offering leg rubs and a hot water
bottle. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After phoning NHS direct and then speaking
to the out of hours doctor, it was concluded there was nothing anyone could do.
The strongest medication that the doctor carried, I have got used to, so no
longer lowers my pain. The next step up from that medication is Morphine. He
isn’t able to carry that. The doctor then told me that if I went to A&E
they probably wouldn’t give me Morphine, as they don’t know me or know much
about ME. I felt abandoned and given up on. It was fine for the doctor to say
“just try and ride it out, try and go to sleep,” he didn’t have to endure the
pain I was in. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I eventually fell asleep and woke up the
next morning in considerably less pain. I have had to wait until today to get
an appointment with my GP, he’s semi-retired, been on holiday etc etc! Anyway,
today he gave me a small number of low dosage Morphine tablets. I am excited
but a bit scared, (all the side effects). Anyone who has been in any kind of
pain before will know how tempting a painkiller is! After being in pain for
over two years constantly, imagine how tempted I am to take a Morphine tablet!
I feel like a child resisting a sweet. Those tablets are downstairs and would
(hopefully) take all of my pain away. Usually it’s the chocolate in the cupboards
that call me, now it’s Morphine!! I know I must only use it for really bad
episodes but when I don’t have pain relief day to day, they would bring me a
very welcome break from the pain!</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take care, <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rachel x<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8079811205690662068.post-71152717292881960622014-01-21T20:17:00.004+00:002014-01-21T20:17:58.450+00:00Anyone Know The Date?
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I think I’ve said before, I never know
the date, not even the year; I still think we are in 2012. I’ve thought about
this and maybe I am in denial. Maybe I don’t want to believe we are now in 2014
because this means time isn’t standing still, it’s moving on and passing me by.
I’ve been ill for over two years now and I feel like I haven’t progressed in
any area of my life. I do not really feel like I am living my life. I don’t
really enjoy many things now, I’ve had a couple of fantastic holidays and my
amazing friends and family are around me and I love spending time with them but
I feel like the period of time I have been ill for has stood still, and I wish
it had in a way because I want this time of my life back. I want to be well and
relive my very early twenties by partying hard and enjoying all of my hobbies.
I feel like days are just passing me by and I haven’t done anything productive.
I’ve watched a film and 2 episodes of Great British Bake Off. Well that’s not
really a story for the grandkids is it? </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I look at my situation overall I know
that this illness is teaching me lessons and building me into a stronger, more
understanding “better” human being but its so hard to see that day to day. I’m
not working, I’m not contributing to the world, I’m not passing any knowledge
on to anyone, I’m just sitting and resting and it seems sometimes as though I’m
worthless. I don’t have an identity, except I have M.E. That has become who I
am. I was a gymnastics coach, I adored it, it was my passion and I passed on my
knowledge and taught people my passion. That was who I was. I lost that and it
still upsets me that I am not that person anymore.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want to progress in life and I want my
life to mean something. I hope with time, and lots and lots of sleep, my body
will heal and I will be able make those memories that I can eventually tell the
grandkids! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take Care,<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rachel.</span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11464667379260844209noreply@blogger.com0