Last week I decided that I would go up to see my friend that lives in London and stay with her. We arranged when would be best and I booked my train tickets and was looking forward to my night away.
Input - the pain management course I went on in London, gave me the taste of London, and I loved "living" there... I was back every weekend but nobody needs to know that! Anyway, I missed London and, of course my friend, hence my reason for the trip. I also thought that the travelling would challenge me mentally, as I'm still getting used to using my electric wheelchair on public transport. I was very anxious the first time using the train in my chair as I didn't know what the ramp was going to be like, would I fall out of my chair and onto the tracks? However, I have got more confident about travelling on the train now, since doing it a few times.
On Monday, I was booked on the 15:19 train, and as usual, I was late. I watched the train pull out of the station, just as I reached the platform. I thought this would mean that I would have to buy another ticket but the guard was lovely and let me jump on the next one. After managing onto the train perfectly fine, no falling on to the tracks!!.. The realisation of travelling across London, on my own, in my chair, hit me. I cried from Brighton Station to London Victoria nonstop, sobbing quite frequently. Luckily, I was in the disabled area and no one else was around!
My boyfriend got a 40 minute phone call of me crying saying that I wanted to come home. My Mum got a 20 minute phone call of me crying saying that I wanted to come home. I just could not cope with the idea of getting on a London bus, or any bus for that matter, in my chair. I searched online how much a ticket back from Victoria would be.. I wanted to just get back home to my comfort zone. I didn't turn around and come home though, I asked for assistance and a lovely man helped me onto the bus, (moving me and the chair, weighing about 200kg between us) and told me when to get off and everything I needed to know. My anxiety went right down once I was on the bus and was really pleased with myself for carrying on and not letting my anxiety and ME get the better of me!
I had a really lovely evening with Isobel, we had a delicious Japanese meal and a good old chat. It was fab seeing her. I am so pleased that I didn't bottle out and pushed through it. It was really tough but was worth it.
Rachel 1 - ME 0.
Test your boundaries if you can, you might have a lovely reward if you do!