Finally I have got round to writing part two, only about a month later than I hoped for. Thanks for bearing with me!
(I'm not a natural writer, it takes me time to think about what I'm going to say and it takes effort for me, hence why I'm not blogging as much as I would like to in an ideal world. Also, I have a serious condition to contend with, which also likes to stop me from writing. Often, when I am well enough to blog, I am also well enough to do something, like getting out of the house and I often seize that opportunity, leaving me totally exhausted when I get home and therefore unable to blog and think and concentrate.)
My life has become about compromise. I can't do everything that I want to do, so I have to find ways to do things, within my boundaries. I also have to prioritise a lot, as my energy is very limited and it just won't stretch to what I desire to do.
I still find it totally bizarre that I have to rest so much. I ask myself and others a lot, "Why does my body need all of this rest?" Little exertion causes great exhaustion.
Now that I have my disabled badge, I feel like I have got quite a bit of my life back and that really helps me mentally. The badge enables me to go anywhere I wish and to park right outside. Having the disabled badge has meant I can get out a little more and therefore helped my mental health. It has also helped my physical health because it means that I am walking much shorter distances if I do go out, meaning less steps and less energy spent. My life has now become about saving energy in any way possible. I can't waste any, it's very precious. For example, if I ever go food shopping, I will plan my route around the supermarket to not go up any isles that are unnecessary as this would be energy that is wasted. Things that I wouldn't have even thought about before my illnesses, now are part of my planning and part of keeping me as well as I can be.
For quite a while after I got poorly I was still going into gym and watching classes and trying to involve myself, even if it meant just watching people, however, I have got out of the habit of going, mainly because I was coming away from the gym feeling very sad and upset that I couldn't do the things I was seeing people do anymore. I'm not able to coach and support or demonstrate things and this was very horrible. I guess I kind of grieved gymnastics, by watching some classes and then not going at all. I still love gymnastics and can not wait to get back in the gym and learn skills again and to coach again, however, at the moment I am happier staying away from the gym.
My days now consist of about 12 hours of sleep rather than 12 hours of gymnastics/ working out and this still makes me sad. I now also love television which I never particularly cared about in the past. To say my life has turned completely around wouldn't be an exaggeration.
I just know that this illness is here to teach me something and I have to ride it out. I will become a better person from this experience and the lessons it teaches me will change my life for the better. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that helps me get through it.
Sorry for the slightly jumbled post, but I hope you learn a tiny bit more about my condition from it,
Take Care,
Rachel xxx
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